I’m a fan of my little four-foot plastic Sears Christmas tree. Its twinkling fiber optics have cheered us through many holiday seasons, and the lights never burn out or need changing. It’s unobtrusive enough so that it really doesn’t ever need to be put away.
Yes, I am one of those people who keep the X-mas tree up all year. I don’t have any indoor plants, it’s the only greenery in the house, and it’s not like I’ve covered it in a collection of Hallmark Keepsakes or anything. When the lights are off, you barely notice it.
Every houseplant I’ve ever owned has followed the same sad pattern after arrival; a protracted decline in size and coloring that ends with the cats taking craps in the flowerpot and me tossing it onto the compost heap at the corner of the back porch.
(Easiest Christmas tree, ever!)
A real Christmas tree used to be so romantic! My husband Dan would go into our woods and pick out a wild tree, oftentimes a ten-footer. We would set it up in front of the big front windows, and use a long pole to decorate it with white string lights and oversized ornaments.
(I think this one may have been 14-feet)
We gave up the practice after a few years, for a number of reasons.
We both discovered that we have allergies to tree molds, bad enough so that with all the coughing, sneezing, wheezing, and itchy eyes – we were never sure if we had a cold or not.
The old cats used chase each other up the trunk and pull it down. Even when the tree was anchored to the window they would enthusiastically haul off any ornaments that weren’t tied on.
Putting chewed-on papier-mâché angels back on the tree after I came home from work, and repairing or sweeping up the splintered Santa’s elves’ arms and legs were no jollies, either.
There’s also the New Year’s ritual of peeling back the plastic barrier underneath the tree stand and finding water damage to the wooden floors that could only be remedied by a professional sanding and bleach. Re-staining the floor for the third time, I think that was the final straw.
Which brings us the long way round as to why I like the hassle-free and soulless greenery from China that I have plugged into the wall ever since.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for patronizing Vermont tree farms and the fine tradition of trekking through knee-high snow drifts to kill an evergreen with your kids; throwing snowballs, getting cold and wet, sipping cocoa from a thermos, and maybe getting a hayride in before you bungee that iconic Yuletide symbol to the top of your car and take it home.
It’s just not for me.
The spinning color wheel that controls the lightshow in my tree stand has started to make grinding noises, but it’s one of those problems that can be remedied by turning the television up higher. This artificial spruce will be making us merry for many Christmases to come.
